E2: Sydney Lowell

Transcript

by Miruna

[Evy:] Hello and welcome to the Word Up Podcast! Is it „the” Word Up Podcast?
[laughing]
[Webster:] Good start, guys.
[Evy:] Hello and welcome to Word Up Podcast. I'm Evy.
[Webster:] And I'm Webster.
[Evy:] And today we're talking to Sydney Lowell.
[Sydney:] Hello, hello, hello.
[laughing]
[Webster:] Hi, Sydney.
[Sydney:] Hi!
[Webster:] How do we pronounce your name, is it L-ah-well? L-oh-well?
[Sydney:] L-oh-well.
[Evy:] L-oh-well, sorry.
[Sydney:] Yeah, yeah.
[Webster:] L-oh-well, cool. I thought that might have been... yeah.
[Evy:] Sorry.
[Sydney:] No, it's fine, it's fine, I got the message, I got the message, yeah.
[laughing]
[Webster:] How did you get your first name, Sydney? It's quite cool.
[Sydney:] Um, I actually asked my parents quite some times. Um, I think they just thought it was a nice name. It wasn't really inspired by a specific person; however, I think they already knew Sydney Poitier and they liked that name.
[Webster:] Right, yeah.
[Sydney:] And, yeah, it's a unisex name. So, they were like, ok, we're good either way. And, yeah. That's how I got my name. And it worked well with the last name, so...
[Evy:] And it's a city, also.
[laughing]
[Sydney:] Yeah, it is. I have multiple ...
[Evy:] Have you been to Sydney?
[Sydney:] No, I haven't!
[Webster:] This is awkward.
[Sydney:] This is awkward!
[laughing]
[Sydney:] This is such a cliché! I think... I should really go, it would be a thing, you know?
[Webster:] It has to be on your bucket list.
[Sydney:] Yeah, and then, you know, Sydney would be in Sydney, and that's like a...
[Webster:] Boom!
[Sydney:] Yeah!
[Webster:] Hashtag Sydney in Sydney.
[Evy:] So, you go down low.
[laughing]
[Evy:] In Sydney.
[Sydney:] Oh my God! Like, actually, in primary school − you know how boys are, they are still, like, goofing around − and they would be like, "You know where I wanna go?... To Sydney!" I would be, like, "Yeah, ok, you know... we're gonna scratch that, it's not..."
[laughing]
[Webster:] It's, like, well done, nice try.
[Sydney:] Yeah.
[laughing]
[Sydney:] I know, I know. Yeah.
[Evy:] But you are a spoken word poet, also.
[Sydney:] Yes, I am.
[Evy:] How do you introduce yourself?
[Sydney:] As a spoken word artist? Uuu... that's... that's... let me start broad.
[Evy:] Yes.
[Sydney:] Because, yes, I would identify myself as a spoken word artist, but, since I've always been a very creative person, that's just how I think of myself. I'm a creative spirit and spoken word is something that occupies most of my creative time right now. Um, and, for me, spoken word is... it's an outlet. It's expression for me, it's a way to share with people and to kind of create a platform for myself to talk on topics that I find really relevant. Activism-related topics, things like self-love, confidence, building each other up, that's... Yeah, I find that really important and, right now, that really expresses through my spoken word, but I know that once I graduate... you know, you have more time to do other stuff...
[Evy:] Of course.
[Sydney:] And that's, you know... It's kind of like playing Monopoly, just expanding on stuff, right?
[Evy:] Nice. Because you started − what? − like over a year ago? Which is super exciting...
[Sydney:] Yes. I started, I just told you... exactly on the 26th of October 2017, I did my first live performance. I had been writing, I have been writing for five years and then, I think, in January 2017 I uploaded my first piece on Instagram, or something like that. Because I figured, ok, I have to share right now, but I didn't really think of performing yet. And then, later that year, there was the first time.
[Evy:] Nice.
[Webster:] What's that transition like, going from, you know, being quite inclusive, in your own self, and then, like, you know, writing stuff, maybe in your bedroom and stuff, and [then] going on stage... facing people in real life?
[Sydney:] It was... Yeah, it was really natural, actually.
[Webster:] Oh, cool.
[Sydney:] Uh, it was... because, to me, it felt like it was something I was supposed to do. So, it wasn't ever like I was holding myself back or that I was being shy those 5 years, I just didn't see the importance. I was just sharing things with myself. You know? And writing my thoughts down and documenting my... That's basically how it started. In high‑school, I had a booklet with me for when I was bored in class or when I just felt like doing something else, [laughing] if I was finished already with my homework... So yeah, I was kind of... I found it ironic that we always document moments through visuals − I mean like photography − but we never know what our mind was like at that point. So, I wanted to make mental photographs, basically, and that's how I started writing. So, it was just words and whatever. And this is how it went on for a long time before it actually started to turn into sentences. And so, this happened a lot over the years and then I just started writing more for myself. So, the act of performance wasn't even in my thought process. And then... once, I think, a friend of mine − she was the first person close to me that introduced me to poetry − asked me, like, "Ok, do you want to get on stage?", and I was like, "Nah, I don't think I'm ready yet". And I knew it wasn't an excuse. Like, I knew I wasn't ready, but I told her the next time, literally the next time, I will perform, and I kept my promise, because the next time someone came up to me was the right time, the exact right timing, I said "Ok, yes, let's go!". And that's when I did it. So, I wasn't even nervous at all. I was just excited, ready to go, you know? And I felt like it was great timing, so...
[Evy:] Nice.
[Sydney:] Yeah.
[Webster:] Would you say you're someone who has a lot to say? When we were speaking earlier you said like you were really confident, and you didn't really want to get off stage... Which is the opposite of what most people experience when they speak for the first time.
[Sydney:] I definitely have a lot to say. [laughing] People who know me... I can talk for hours. I can talk your head off. You know? I have a lot to say and I think anyone has a lot to say, it's just... Do you want to, do you find it necessary? Are the things that you talk about relevant? Do you want them to be? And I think that... I think... Yeah. It's one of my favourites... well, actually it's my favourite rapper, Milo, he says in one of his songs, "I owe it to myself to speak free". And this is something that I apply to my art as well, it's just... yeah, there is a lot to say. There is so much to say. And to be able to use your voice for self-expression, but also to motivate others, or to have them think, that's... yeah, I find really, really, yes, amazing. Yeah.
[Evy:] And, because you mentioned your favourite rapper, is there something else that also inspires you?
[Sydney:] Yeah. Basically, the whole world... Um, I'm an enthusiast of the small things, I mean, I enjoy grand gestures and a large trip and, you know, whatever, it's all amazing, but to me, like, looking at grass or hearing children smile or, you know? Those things make me happy or inspire me. So, it can be really small things, but usually inspiration comes from myself, I often write from my own thoughts and experiences or my perspective. But it also comes from what I see around me, happening, you know, things I can relate to, or things I know others who will listen to me can relate to. So, I think basically I can draw inspiration from anything, as long as I can identify with it, which is a lot, yeah.
[Evy:] That's exciting.
[Sydney:] Yeah, it's really exciting.
[Evy:] Do you have, like, a pathway or a goal that you are aiming to, since you just started, essentially?
[Sydney:] No, for me the journey is the goal.
[Evy:] Ok.
[Sydney:] Yeah, for me I just really enjoy journeying in general. Emotional, spiritual − you know? − journeying to me it's one of the most important things in my life. I'm just a student of life, so I love to learn.
[Evy:] Right.
[Sydney:] I don't really care if there is a... Because there is no perfection, you know. So, I don't really mind what.. you know, maybe like a fictional destination would be, it's... I just enjoy the journey and I think I will grow, keep on growing, and I'll see where it takes me. But I definitely want to be at a point where I can build for others, you know, and it's not just something I strive towards, I think this is something that will happen along the way, but that's definitely one of my goals, to give back to other people, to share with them, to build with them, yeah. That's, I think, maybe... yeah.
[Evy:] You sound very positive. But I wondered, is there something, like some art, that comes from your frustration, does something annoy you about the world, or... something that's around you?
[Sydney:] Definitely. Yeah. The world is so complex, you know? And I always say, like, there's an external world, but there's a whole internal world, as well, like a whole universe. And being an empath, I journey through that world every day, so... When I experience emotion, I experience it very deeply. So, it's... if I'm happy, I'm really happy, and if I'm sad, I'm really sad, you know? I will bawl my eyes out and it will be like... you know, tsunami in my bedroom. But it's all good. Like that's part of my journey and I learn really quickly, because I face everything right away. I don't hide from my emotions, so... The things that I write about can also stem from frustration or sadness or... maybe a feeling of... we don't actually have a word in English or Dutch for this, but it's a Portuguese word they also use in Cape Verde and other countries − it's "saudade", and it's a combination of longing, internal longing or missing, grief, you know, knowing that you won't probably get anything back, but it's this... yeah, this really ... uncomfortable feeling: "saudade". That's also a large part of where my sad writing comes from.
[Evy:] So it's more archetypal, like that sense of... something that you can't define?
[Sydney:] Yeah, but usually it's... Yes, I do write about dark moments, but usually it's to empower myself.
[Evy:] And it's kind of a therapy, isn't it?
[Sydney:] Yeah, it is. Really, because, I will have my jazz on, you know, or a beat tape and I know there is something on my heart that I need to get out and it's like your spirit is writing, you know, and...
[Evy:] Yeah.
[Sydney:] For me that's a moment where I'm releasing and, for me, documenting that is really powerful, because every time, after that, [when] I'm performing it, I get to live my resilience because I did that.
[Evy:] Yeah
[Sydney:] You know? So, yeah. That's, maybe... that's still kind of making it into a positive thing, but...
[Evy:] Yeah, it's transformative, isn't it?
[Sydney:] Yeah, it's very transformative.
[Evy:] Yeah.
[Sydney:] Definitely, yeah.
[Evy:] And do you write only in English, or do you also write in other languages?
[Sydney:] That's a nice question, cause I used to only write in English for a very long time, actually for all those five years, I think... Yeah, I think I've only started writing in other languages last year. It's mainly English, and English is also my favourite language to speak in, because I find it very good, for expression's sake. I don't express myself as well in Dutch. However, I have been starting to write in Dutch last year, and I actually really liked it. It was good, you know? It was good. And it was about this neighbourhood, Bijlmer , so I had to... I mean, I had to write my neighborhood in Dutch, I couldn't do that in English!
[Evy:] Of course. And you're born here, right? So, ...
[Sydney:] Yeah, exactly, so I had to. And... Yeah, so, sometimes it does happen and I'm performing as well... it's... yeah, on the 1st of February in the Stedelijk Museum, and it has to be a Dutch set. So, I do try to take upon challenges where I do that more, and sometimes you hear a hint of Portuguese or, you know, French. If I learn new languages you will hear it, but, mainly English.
[Evy:] Ok.
[Sydney:] Yeah.
[Evy:] But you're... so you're born in Amsterdam.
[Sydney:] Yes.
[Evy:] Can you tell us a little bit about your background and...?
[Sydney:] Yeah, I was born here, and my mom is from Suriname, my dad is from the Netherlands and I was growing up here, went to school here, as well, went to primary, secondary school, also university, which I'm now kind of graduating from, almost.
[laughing]
[Sydney:] And basically everything I do is here. I have, you know, had some trips to other cities for spoken word, for example, but my whole creative journey has been in Amsterdam primarily. And it's kind of my home base.
[Evy:] You're blooming where you're planted.
[Sydney:] Yeah, yeah, exactly, I definitely feel that's the thing, and... But, at the same time, I can be home anywhere. If... as long as I'm comfortable, but I'm very good at making myself comfortable. So, if I feel good, I don't need much, you know?
[Evy:] Right.
[Sydney:] But, I feel there's a lot for me to do here. You know? People I know here, especially young people I know here, a whole community that I want to inspire, that I want to work with, that I want to mobilize, there is so much to be done here. So, I figure that I would have to actualize some things, before I can hop to a different place and...
[Evy:] Right.
[Webster:] Do you think there's a need in your community for people to actualize things, like you mentioned?
[Sydney:] Yes.
[Webster:] What sort of things would bother you in that way?
[Sydney:] Sorry, what?
[Webster:] What sort of things would bother you, that you feel like people need to act upon, per se?
[Sydney:] Um, well, for example, take activism. Activism, for me, is a really huge thing, yet it comes in many different shapes and sizes, right? I mean, one can write, another one can become a politician, another one can become, I don't know, a graphic designer that will make pamphlets, you know, you can be an activist in many ways. However, I think that in our generation we're so outspoken, however we don't actually realize what we can do with our voice, because everything tends to be very individual. And this is something I think we should pride ourselves on as well, but, I mean, we don't need to go to reading clubs, I mean it's nice to do, but we don't need to, we don't have to gather around to discuss things, no, we can just look on our phones or tablets or whatever, hop onto the internet and do research for ourselves, so it becomes very easy to do things on your own. When, the larger things in life and society are only really built together, and so, I feel like, within activism, there is so much to be done and we are doing it, but we're not looking around enough and I feel like there's this relatively small group that actually is and I feel like that group can inspire a lot of us. Because I see so many young people around with a very loud voice, a really loud opinion, and they can really bring about some change, but it's not really happening enough yet, you know. I mean, take the Black Panthers. They weren't like, "Okay, well, I think that if I do something alone, you know, it's just gonna happen". No, it was all about building a community and a whole collective that said, ok, we're gonna be here together and we're doing this for the greater good. And I think we forgot that this is good for things like, you know, talking about climate change and pollution, but also things like racism or ableism, queerphobia, it doesn't even matter. But, like, do something, you know? Do something! And that's, I think, in that region there's a lot to be actualized.
[Webster:] But, what do you think would be helpful for that, like what would be the extra step for people to help or to do that?
[Sydney:] I think identification is a large part in that. Because, once you identify with something or someone, it becomes easier to identify with their motives and what they're fighting for and to see that you can do it too. So, I try to do that, for example, with my art and this is something I encourage a lot of people to do. Don't be afraid of getting political. Whether that's in your art, whether that's in your everyday conversations, whether that's picking an essay topic on the university, you know, it's ok to get political. And I think that's a really huge part of it, you know? It's not always just chit-chat, "how's the weather?", you know, "how're you doing?", "oh my god, your dress is so nice"... like, talk about things that will actually get you forward!
[Webster:] Yeah, that's the thing about modern society, there's so many things that go unsaid. I think there's been a couple of times since I've been here, where, you know, I'd be talking to someone who looks like me and sounds like me and... you cannot, you sort of whisper over your shoulder, because you shouldn't be talking politics or anything like that...
[Sydney:] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[Webster:] And, just the thought of, you know, "oh shit, I shouldn't say this thing out loud" made me realize, oh, man, this is so bad, like we've gotten to a place where you can't even talk about things openly, even though you're not harming anyone, or whatever, but the mere thought of saying certain things makes you feel like you're doing something wrong. And I think that's where things like spoken word are really powerful, cause you can go on stage and for five-ten-twenty minutes people have fixed attention on what you have to say, they're actually listening and you can say the worst things or you can say the really good things, you know?
[laughing]
[Sydney:] Yeah, yeah, true, true.
[Webster:] You say... you can say really good things, so... yeah, I think there's something to be said for communities to gather, be in a place and listen to each other. In a half long form communication, whether it's poetry or spoken word or speech.
[Sydney:] Yeah, definitely, definitely.
[Evy:] So, I'm really curious what you have for us for today, for your poem.
[Sydney:] Uh-uh. Yes.
[Sydney:] Ok, so, I have a poem and it's called "Joy". I do want to give a little bit of background info. I mean, this poem I wrote for one person, but it's one of those poems that echoes. Because to me it's about... it's a poem to black men, young black men. Joy, I mean, we're always told, like, okay, no, you have to have a stark face, especially as men, you're not supposed to express yourself too loudly, you can't smile too much, you can't... No! All those things that really limit your being. And I find it very necessary to uplift my brothers and to have them see, like, you need to do whatever the fuck you've got to do and if that's being happy, which everyone deserves, and expressing it, that's what you're going to do.
[Evy:] Right.
[Sydney:] So, yes, here it goes.

Joy
On a bar stool seated,
white wine quietly enjoying from afar,
comfortable in ease.
You can see full well from the bar, I know,
but there's even more to feel than see,
so dear man, be free!
Dear man, be free!
I'm not trying to have you in discomfort.
I'm not trying to have you be that which you're not.
But, kind soul, you're much, so be the whole lot!
The joy is free, the joy wants and persists, and it has come for you,
so loud and overwhelming, light, big, bright and strong, blinding, I know.
But joy is here for you.
Joy hums to you warm melodies of your favourite jazz and soul.
See how joy, back and forth and back and forth,
teasingly will parade.
Joy will ask you to come with,
join the chance of Buena Vista Social Club and Donny Hathaway.
Joy might be messy and uncontrollable.
At times it might feel like your body is too small a vessel to contain it.
But you know how to release, have it burst out, embrace the infinity of life,
transcend dimensions and spread so far and ride,
break the rules of spatiality.
And you'll smile!
You'll smile.
Because that's your spirit, giving thanks to your vessel for allowing it joy's encounter.
Dear man, your jaws and cheeks might even begin to ache,
but best believe you'll be surprised by how much more smile they can take.
So, you'll keep on smiling anyway.
So, when you see my hand,
know that I'm not trying to have you study the map on my palm,
or for me to point my index finger at all your flaws and judge, no, not at all!
Know that I'm not even trying to get a sip of that transparent poison called alcohol.
When my hand reaches for yours, know that I come in the name of joy,
and, barstool seated, you might bruise your ego by trying to choose it.
But you'll soon feel the joy and realize its familiarity.
Doubts and fears will string to be futile and you'll feel that you, dear man,
deserve to be free!

[Webster:] Wow.
[laughing, clapping]
[Webster:] You've got baby claps right there.
[laughing]
[Evy:] I'm a little bit like... [gasps]... you know?
[laughing]
[Evy:] Beautiful, thank you for sharing.
[Sydney:] Thank you! You're welcome. Very welcome. Yeah.
[Evy:] As you were reading, I was visualizing you on stage − because I've seen you quite a few times on stage − and I have this very strange question, maybe: what's the weirdest thing that happened to you on stage?
[Sydney:] That's actually a really good question to ask me, because nothing is ever weird to me, but, uh...
[laughing]
[Sydney:] What's the weirdest thing that happened to me on stage? That's such a good question... I... I think I never think of things as weird, but...
[Evy:] Or something that's, like, outstanding, or something that upset you...
[Sydney:] Outstanding, it's definitely... a positive experience was, definitely, having an outer body experience, basically...
[Evy:] Really?
[Sydney:] Yeah, it was one of those poems that I wrote, coming from, like, a dark place...
[Evy:] Right.
[Sydney:] ...writing it in a way that empowers me, having this strong build-up towards the end, where it's like... okay, I'm manifesting, regardless of what happened to me, but also because of what happened to me, I'm manifesting. I'm being myself and I'm overcoming. It was that type of poem. And I remember the first time I had done this poem − it's called, "I pin this poem to you", I performed it the first time at, actually, my first event − that I hosted myself, with my friend Jemairo − and the event was outside underneath a tree. And because it was dark and we were just freestyling, underneath a tree, I had to, like, sit down on my knees, so that I could lay my booklet down on the ground and read with my flashlight on. So, I was literally in the soil with my knees and performing this poem. And I had the instrumental version of Bilal's Soul Sista on, which is also the song that I wrote the poem to, that same afternoon. And when I did that poem in front of those people, and it was like... pfff... It was like all my ancestors were speaking with me... It wasn't even just about me doing poetry, this was about me manifesting in all my previous selves, you know? And that, for me, was a highlight, because I hadn't felt that before that point, so that was the first time that I shared it and then the next time I would share it was on stage at Soul Food Poetry − oh, no, I think... no, no, no, I think it was a... Yeah, maybe it was the second or third time... but it was kind of the same experience, but a little different, because then I was on the stage and it was a totally different vibe, you know?
[Evie:] Yeah.
[Sydney:] But it was more direct, because I was on the stage, I was standing tall, and there was this live band, and I just... in that moment... the only thing I can use to describe such a moment is like giving birth. And this is something that I describe a lot, like, in my art, it's giving birth. You give birth to new ideas, you give birth to just... That's actualizing to me. I was on that stage and it was just like... like all my energy was gone after. And I knew that this was going to happen. If I was put on early in the line-up. Because I wouldn't be able to socialize for half an hour and I couldn't, like, I couldn't stand still. Because you're becoming − you become a gateway, as an artist. It's a higher message that's trying to enter [through] you into the real world, you know? And then I was like, you know, shaking and shivering, because I couldn't sit still.
[Evy:] Right.
[Sydney:] Because from one point I was, you know, on a stage, getting everything out, and then I just had to sit down, very calmly, and be like everyone else in the audience. And that was so strange.
[laughing]
[Sydney:] But, I think, those two − maybe there was a third time where I also did that poem, I think − but definitely those two times were the weirdest moments, because those were spiritual highs for me. Yeah.
[Evy:] Beautiful.
[Webster:] Would you say you were out of your comfort zone in that moment?
[Sydney:] No.
[Webster:] What made you feel that way? How can you pinpoint that feeling, if you could...?
[Sydney:] I love these questions!
[laughing]
[Sydney:] I recently came to the conclusion that I probably don't have a comfort zone!
[Webster:] That's cool!
[Sydney:] Yeah. Or it's just really big and I haven't found its borders yet. Yeah, I don't really have a comfort zone. I can make myself comfortable really easily, as long as I support what I do. So that's not really an issue for me. And as soon as I see that I'm hesitant − so, not uncomfortable, but just hesitant or, you know − I haven't tried something yet, you know − maybe a new rhythm or you know, whatever it is − I'm not afraid to try it, so I won't end up uncomfortable anyway. But the feeling how to identify that is really easy, it's just... in my belief everyone is spiritual. There is no doubt about that. It's just, are you aware? Are you using it? And when you are aware, it's really easy to tap into or to identify when it's happening. So, while I was performing it was... I didn't have to think about it, you know? It just happened and it's so beautiful, because you feel that it's not just you talking, it's not just, oh, I'm just saying empty words right now and just for the sake of art, art for art's sake − it's, it's... you really feel empowered! And I guess I feel that all the time, but with those specific examples that I named, it's an amplified feeling. So, it's clear from the get-go, yeah.
[Evy:] That's beautiful.
[Sydney:] Yeah.
[Evy:] And I'm just wondering, do you have any advice for the artists who are in the place where you were before, doubting when is the right time or should you or should you not?
[Sydney:] Yeah, I think, listen to yourself, develop a good sense of self and know how to listen to your gut feeling − and we say gut feeling but gut is a physical way of putting it. I mean listen to your spirit, is basically what it comes down to. Because I don't think I ever doubted myself − it was the opposite, I knew when the time arrived. I knew. And so, I was ready. And I have people coming up to me quite often just before they are going to perform or whatever, and telling me they're so nervous, they don't know how to deal with it, like... But, the tone of their voice always surprises me. Because they will come up to me and say "I'm so nervous, like, oh shit, I don't..." And I'm like, "Ok, so wait, repeat that. You're nervous. So what?"
[laughing]
[Sydney:] It's... How do you interpret your own emotions? And this is, I think, a key part of listening to yourself, listening to your spirit or your gut. When you are ready, when your spirit is ready, whether your soul is ready − your mind might still be holding you back. Because that's your comfort zone talking. You know? Your mind might still be telling you that it's not a good idea or might be, you know... it's rationale trying to talk some sense into you, but art is not sensible, expression is not sensible. It just is what it is! So, when you develop a good sense of self and your gut feeling, you will soon be able to distinguish fear from incompetence. And it will be like, "Ok, no, I am ready, it's just I need to drag my mind along". And embrace that, you know? Even if I wasn't nervous, a lot of people are, that's, like, literally no big deal. Nerves are a sign that your body is aware that you're going to be doing something that you're passionate about. It's a thrill, and it's good energy, so use that to your advantage and don't be afraid that that's going to hinder your performance, right? Because no one will mind if you, like, just forget one word or whatever. So, I think that's... Yeah... and... Another thing, and it's a general message, but it also applies to art, yeah? As long as you act from a place of love and righteousness, anything you do will be valid, you know? Don't doubt that. And you'll see what comes from it, you know?
[Evy:] So, I hope a lot of new artists are coming after hearing this.
[laughing]
[Sydney:] Definitely! I'll be looking, I'll be looking for you! And credit me, you know? Like, "I heard that from Sydney Lowell on the podcast from Word Up, yeah, that's her!" Yeah! No, but, definitely, I always help my friends and people just manifest. That's it. Manifest.
[Webster:] That's crazy, how your mind can work against you, as well.
[Sydney:] Yeah.
[Webster:] I remember when I was in my early twenties and I was doing my first degree at the university, and basically you have this great big project that you need to showcase at the end of the year...
[Sydney:] Yeah.
[Webster:] ...you spend a whole year working on it. And I put so much work into this project and it was ready, it was finished, it was polished...
[Sydney:] Uh-huh, uh-huh...
[Webster:] But when it came to, like, actually sitting in the auditorium − big cinema screen and everything − I couldn't walk in and I... didn't go in. And I made some excuse, like, "Oh I've got some things that I need to do", and so I kind of stayed outside and the whole event happened, and my film came on, you know, you can hear it, and I got, like, a standing applause, and it was amazing... And I thought, "Shit, why didn't I just go in?", like, I robbed myself of that experience of being in that moment, because maybe I might be criticized or maybe it might be received very well... but what I did in the end was that I got really scared and I took myself out of the situation. And, you know, whatever happens, either way, whether it's positive or negative, like, both those experiences are an experience that you need to have in that moment, right?
[Sydney:] Yeah!
[Webster:] So, I think it's important for artists and people in general to just look at your mind and don't be scared to fail and don't be scared of what's going to happen, because at the end of the day you're going to know, ok, well this is what went wrong and this is how I can move on...
[Evy:] Welcome fear!
[Sydney:] Yeah, like, live with your arms wide open, I mean, if you... I mean, you know when you're in danger, you know when you're not supposed to do something! You know this. Especially when you're an adult, you will know. But it doesn't mean you have to live with your arms like... to your body... like, it's ok to live. And what you just said is something that I find happening to a lot of people around me. Because there is so much... there are so many stimuli, there is so much going on, especially in a city like here in Amsterdam, there is a lot. And there are a lot of people, there's always going to be someone you know or there's ... you know? Always something. But in the end... how much bad can really come from it? You know? It's... I mean, it's ok. At the same time, I do realize that, just because someone wasn't scared, doesn't mean that you're not allowed to be. You know? And I also realize that it's easy for me to say what might come across as easy, for others, like "Oh yeah, but you weren't even nervous the first time so why are you even saying this?"...
[laughing]
[Sydney:] Like, I get that emotion, I do, but there is a reason why I wasn't nervous. But if you are, it's still fine, you know? It's just, what do you do? It's ok to say, "I'm scared", but what do you do? And that's... I mean, people say it all the time: in getting out of your comfort zone, that's when you grow. And if it takes you a bad situation or a bad experience, maybe even realizing that you robbed yourself from a certain experience, allow that to be a lesson, you know, not just... It's not just a negative memory, it can be a lesson as well, so you can do better next time.
[Evy:] And what is bad and what is good at the end of the day, right?
[Sydney:] Exactly. It's all relative.
[Webster:] Perspective, yo!
[Sydney:] Yeah, exactly!
[Evy:] Boom!
[laughing]
[Evy:] So, we are approaching the end of our conversation...
[Sydney:] Aww...
[Evy:] I sound too breathy, I'm sorry!
[Sydney:] No, I like that, Evelina, come on!
[Evy:] But thank you so much for being here...
[Sydney:] Thank you!
[Evy:] ...and for sharing your perspective and your poem...
[Sydney:] Yes!
[Evy:] ...and your time...
[Sydney:] It was my pleasure!
[laughing]
[Sydney:] Yeah!
[Webster:] So, tell us, where can people find you, how can our listeners get to know you, find you on social media? Like, where are you at?
[Sydney:] Yes. I am everywhere, you know, I am in the all. [laughing] But, yeah... So, again, my name is Sydney Lowell, you can find me at Sydney J. Lowell both on Facebook as on Instagram. I also have a platform with my friend Jemairo − my partner in crime − it's called We the People, and you can find us at wethepeopleamsterdam also on Facebook and Instagram. You can find some of my poems on YouTube, also thanks to Evelina and Ennio! [laughing] for Outspoken and Word Up, but also some other performances. And there will be more things coming soon, but this is mainly, I think, where you can find me.
[Webster:] Super!
[Sydney:] Yes!
[Evie:] We will add the links, too.
[Sydney:] Perfect. No excuses, no more excuses for everyone. Yeah.
[Webster:] Great, thanks for listening, guys, this has been Word Up podcast, and as always you can find us on www.worduppodcast.com, where you'll also find links to our e­‑mail, Facebook, Instagram and YouTube. See you next week!
[Evie:] Doei!
[laughing]